Shirley> Hello, everyone. Sorry I'm
a little late. I plead computeritis.
Poemlady> what's the topic tonight,
Shirley
Shirley> Let's get started on All About
Dialogue. Before I get started, are there any opening questions on dialogue,
so that I can be sure to address your issues?
Karen> ?
Shirley> GA, Karen. No need to use
the ? format.
Karen> I keep writing dialogue where they
go back and forth, each one responding directly to what the other said. It's
so boring.
Bess> my dialogue always seems stiff and
dry
Shirley> Boring is probably a result of
trying to convey too much information in dialogue that doesn't belong there.
It belongs in description or narrative.
Karen> Ahhh
Shirley> Stiff dialogue can be livened up
a lot by interspersing the POV character's thoughts, and by describing body
language. You don't have to have a straight he said, she said interchange.
Bess> I do try to avoid he said she said,
but maybe not enough
Shirley> For example:
"What?" she said. "You know I could
never do anything like that!"
Susan took a close look at her friend's
face. There were little canyons between her eyes, the way she always
looked when she was covering something up. Susan decided to wait her
out. She sipped her coffee and looked at Jenny through the rising steam.
It didn't take long.
"All right," Jenny said. "Maybe I
thought about it, but I didn't actually say those things."
Three sips of coffee later, the whole
story came tumbling out.
Bess> I like that
rogerdodger> This is great. Thanks.
Shirley> That's an example off the top of
my head of incorporating thoughts and body language into dialogue.
Shirley> Notice that it takes away that
sing-song effect that dialogue can settle into, and it helps build Susan's
character.
Bess> yes I do.
Poemlady> Yes
Shirley> I'll bet you didn't notice right
away that this was a one-sided dialogue. Susan didn't say anything at
all. Instead, we were listening to her thoughts and observing through her
eyes, and that made up her side of the conversation.
Bess> thats right! susan didn't actually
say anything. I hadn't noticed.
Shirley> If you are having line after line
with nothing but quote marks, you are missing a great opportunity and
turning what should be exciting dialogue into an exercise in patience on the
reader's part.
rodgerdodger> I tend to stick more to the
speakers thoughts. I'll try it differently next time.
Shirley> There are three things that
dialogue can do for you in a story. (And I'll discuss each of these in more
detail.)
1. Convey information in an
appealing way
2. Enrich characterization
3. Break up dense writing
Frequently it is necessary to get
information across to the reader, but you don't want to just have a couple
of pages of narrative and straight out tell the reader. That is clunky and
boring. Instead, use two or more people talking about the subject you want
to get across.
But there is a trap here. Don't have
the characters talking about something they already know just to get across
information to the reader. I'll give an example of that:
"Joe, it's about your brother Frank, the
one whose nickname is Bear because he's over six feet tall. You know he's a
good friend of mine."
"What's Frank done now, Bob?" Joe said.
"You know he's never been the same since his wife died in that freak
accident with the garden hoe while picking tomatoes two years ago.
Their two kids, Billy and Milly, have had to live with Frank's parents ever
since, because he couldn't pull himself together."
"Frank's gotten himself a job as a
bookkeeper,” said Bob, “which is a natural for him since, as you know, he
was always good at math in school."
Shirley> In this example, Joe and Bob are
talking about someone they each know well, namely Frank. They wouldn't
say these kinds of things to each other, because they already know them. It
is an amateur writer's way of getting information across to the reader -
just stick quote marks around it. If your characters seem to say, "as
you know," a lot, there's a big clue that you have them mouthing words the
author wants to say, not the characters.
Instead, assume Joe and Bob know all this
background. Their conversation would look something like this:
"You know what the Bear's been up to?"
Joe said. "He's working over at Granger's Bookkeeping Service."
"Sounds like a natural for him," Bob said.
Shirley> Which sample would you rather
read? The second one is more effective dialogue because it does convey a
crucial piece of information (the Bear's new job) but doesn't cram backstory
down the reader's throat.
Shirley> Speaking of conveying
information, dialogue is generally a very poor place to put descriptive
passages.
Shirley> Are these examples useful or
shall I ditch them?
Karen> I like them.
Kelpie> Please share-- they are very
helpful!
JBeth> They are helpful.
Bess> Yes very helpful
Shirley> Okay, here's an example of
putting description in dialogue that definitely doesn't belong there:.
"I notice you're wearing a black dress
with an enticing neckline and a heart locket on a delicate chain," he said.
"Your hair is piled intricately atop your head, with a few wisps hanging
down that I'd love to curl around my finger. That dress clings to hips
that invite my hands to rest, but only before moving on to explore other
curves."
Shirley> People don't talk like this.
Get that description out of there. For example:
Paul moved closer to Laura, close enough
that the skirt of her long black dress rested on his shoes. He brought his
face close to hers, letting the wisps of hair that had slipped from her
upswept braids tickle his cheek.
"I've missed you," he said. His
hands pulled her hips toward him and then began to travel.
Shirley> Same information conveyed, but
the second is far more effective.
Karen> and how
Kelpie> you make it seem so easy
Bess> definitely more real
Shirley> These are spontaneous examples.
Some come out better than others. I'm rather fond of the way Paul
turned out! What I'm getting at here is that you don't need to
use the words between the quotes to convey all of the information.
Dialogue is more than just the spoken words. It is the entire
experience of what is going on. Use that experience to enhance the
well-chosen words you put in quotes.
Shirley> The second major thing that
dialogue can do is develop character. There are four basic ways to
show a person's character> what he says, what he does, what he thinks,
and how other characters react to him.
These are the ways we learn about people
in the real world, and so it should carry over to fiction in order to make
things believable. Word choice and sentence structure convey a lot
about character. As your reader gets to know your characters, the way
that the characters speak in dialogue should allow them to identify the
character, just because the reader can recognize that character's way of
speaking.
A character might use a wide vocabulary
and good grammar at the beginning of the book. Don't have that person
suddenly descend into speaking like he's undereducated. Be consistent.
Then when your character gets angry or shows other strong emotions via
dialogue, it won't sound hollow. It will sound natural for that
character.
Don't have all the characters talk in the
same manner, with the same word choices and tone. If you do, that's
simply the author talking. It means you haven't immersed yourself
enough in a character to give him or her a distinctive voice.
This might be one of the reasons that
dialogue sounds boring or just he said this, she said that. The characters
don't have enough individuality to make their dialogue interesting.
Watch out for overuse of slang or
vernacular. For example:
"Ah kin tell yu, she's jest a durn purdy
wooman."
Page after page of this will not only
drive your editor crazy, it will alienate readers. If you want to convey
something about your character's origins or upbringing or dialect, choose a
small number of words to do so, choose a small number of words to do so, and
make the rest of the words normal. For example, the character above
could say:
"I tell you, she's durn pretty."
Bess> it's much easier to read
Shirley> Much easier to read, and still
conveys something about the character. Don't be afraid to loosen up and have
your characters say something a little surprising. It rounds out their
characters. For example:
The two women lingered at their table, and
eyed the procession of construction workers filing into the bar to have a
drink after a hard day.
"Looky there!" Maria poked Holly in
the arm to make sure her attention was focused on the posterior making its
way to a bar stool. "Smokin'!”
Shirley> This humanizes Maria's character
and tells a lot about the relationship between Maria and Holly. They are
close enough to ogle and comment upon the men's rears being paraded in front
of them, but they probably wouldn't act in such a manner if they weren't
with each other. Their close friendship frees up what they say.
Shirley> Questions at any time. :-)
KarenS> What about having a teen character
use teen slang?
Kelpie> Will it date the piece?
Shirley> Yes, it almost certainly would
date the story because slang can slip out of use quickly. I would keep
the slang to a minimum and rely on body language with a teen character.
Bess> what about local slang?
Shirley> Local slang can add color and
authenticity only if the reader understands it. A reader from a
different region might miss the fine meanings you are trying to convey.
KarenS> Yes, thank you.
Shirley> Sure, toss in a few words, but
make sure that any critical information is conveyed in a way that the vast
majority of readers will understand. Otherwise your book will become
frustrating and easy to put down.
Bess> thanks, that answered my next
question>)
Shirley> It doesn't do any good to show
off knowledge of local/teen/police/whatever slang if you lose your
audience.A few words add color, just as a very light sprinkling of foreign
words is effective in some stories. Just don't overdo it.
Shirley> The last major function of
dialogue is to break up dense writing. Dense writing means writing with
little white space on the page, such as a typical textbook page. The printed
page can look appealing or intimidating. Don't make yours look
intimidating. You're not trying to scare off readers. If you
find yourself in a passage of three of four pages without dialogue, you're
in the danger zone.
KarenS> I'd be gone in two unless the
character was fascinating
Shirley> Me too, Karen!
Poemlady> it seems like there is a
delicate balance we need to find.
Shirley> Ten pages, and you may have lost
a reader for the rest of the book. Yes, Bess, there is a balance. For
most books (and of course it is dangerous to generalize, but I will do it
anyway) that balance is that about one third of your total word count should
be dialogue. For relationship-oriented books such as romances or cozy
mysteries, the percentage is higher, about one half of the word count.
For rough-tough thrillers, the percentage may fall as low as one quarter,
with the preponderance of the word count being devoted to action.
Action scenes tend to have little dialogue, and that is the only place you
can get away with it. And still keep your readers, that is.
Bess> this is very helpful.
Shirley> Avoid using words other than
"said" to tag dialogue. For example:
"I won't go in that room again," she
shivered.
"He's about to break down the door!" he
quailed.
"You'll never get away with it," she
snorted.
Shirley> You can't speak and snort at the
same time. Don't use these lazy ways to convey emotion or actions like
shivering. At least not too often. The word "said" tends to
disappear during reading, leaving the reader with the actual conversation
and the enriching things you have added such as thoughts and body language.
This is more like a real conversational experience.
Shirley> In real conversation, people
don't call each other by their names constantly. They might use a name
at the beginning and then drop it. They certainly don't put it at the
beginning of everything they say. Make sure you have identified your
speakers at the beginning, and then trust the reader to follow along.
If it's a long passage, use the names again periodically as a checkpoint for
the reader. but don't overdo it.
If you have more than two people in a
conversation, you'll have to be more liberally with nametags. However, even
in a three way conversation, the reader should be able to guess who's saying
what, if you have done a good job of associating a certain word choice and
sentence structure with each, thereby individualizing them.
Shirley> Whew! I think my
fingers are worn out. Any questions?
KarenS> I want to thank you for posting
the previous presentations on your web site.
Shirley> You're welcome. This one
will be on the website too.
KarenS> I hope so too. I want to study
this one.
Bess> this has been very helpful
KarenS> I need to go. Thank you so much.
It's been wonderful again.
Shirley> Before we break up, are there any
pressing questions you have about a subject other than dialogue?
Shirley> If anything comes to mind later
on, feel free to email me at shirleyk@shirleykennett.com. I'm happy to
answer questions, as long as they don't involve a lot of research on my
part.
Bess> Thanks this has been great. I have a
better idea of what to do!
Bess> Dialogue is a weak point for me. I
tend to have too little.
Shirley> Bess, if you have noticed that,
you can bet an editor or reader would notice it too.
Bess> thats what I worry about.
Shirley> From my experience in critiquing,
I can just about diagnose sight unseen what your problem is.
Bess> what?
Shirley> You have fallen into telling, not
showing. You are trying to speak directly to the reader and relate the
story. Instead, you need to show the scenes, meaning act them out in
detail as the characters experience them. Don't give abbreviated
summaries and quickly move on to something else. Let the reader savor
the experiences right along with the characters in real time. Don’t
summarize and spoon-feed information to the reader.
Bess> I have a lot of characters thoughts
that could be dialogue also
Shirley> Characters' thoughts can be
considered dialogue in that they convey information, etc. And they
provide an intimate point of view. You aren't giving the reader more than
one character's thoughts at a time, are you?
Bess> No, I stick to one point of view,
that character just thinks too much and speaks too little.
Shirley> Ah, the strong silent type.
Shirley> If you have a running patter of
internal dialogue, your situation may not be as bad as you seem to think.
Internal dialogue can go a long way in serving the same purposes as spoken.
Bess> its good to know it may not be as
bad as I think
Shirley> It is effective to have the
character say one thing verbally and be thinking another thing. This
maintains interest by the reader.
Bess> thats true
Shirley> But you can't substitute internal
dialogue all the time, or your character won't be seen as truly relating to
the rest of the world. Closed off, in other words.
Bess> thats what I worry about. I
can't have characters standing around wordlessly staring at each other
Shirley> No, they can't just stare at each
other! Do you perhaps have your character alone too much? You
can't give your character too much alone time. Characters in books
have way less alone time that we do in real life. That's because all the
mundane things we do, such as mopping the floor, shampooing, etc., are
omitted from the lives of the lives of characters in books.
Bess> that’s true
Shirley> Those mundane times account for a
lot of our alone time. So if you take those things away from your
character, what's character, what's left is a condensed portrayal of life.
Bess> the interesting part of life
Shirley> Yes, and that should allow you to
make the conversation interesting. The dull parts are simply left
out.When you toss two characters together in a scene, there should be some
strong purpose they are together, and that should lead you to thinking of
things they need to say to each other. If they don't have anything to say to
each other at that particular moment, then the scene doesn't really belong
in your book. Unless you are showing them angry and not speaking to
each other, I guess.
Bess> not just talking to talk
Shirley> No, not just talking to talk.
If that's all they are doing, get out the red pen and strike that scene.
It will tighten up your book. There shouldn't be any unnecessary
scenes of people just sitting around. That's called padding, and it is
obvious and annoying to editors, agents, and general readers. It
increases word count without doing one of the essential tasks of moving the
plot forward, developing character, or defining setting.
Bess> that’s what I feel at some points.
Shirley> Save a version of your manuscript
the way it is now, and then edit a new copy of it ruthlessly, getting rid of
any times when there seems to be meaningless interaction. You'll like
the new version better, I would guess.
Bess> dialogue is definitely my weak point
so I tend to avoid it until absolutely necessary
Bess> this has helped greatly!
Shirley> Because it is your acknowledged
weak point, it is the thing you're going to have to tackle to make progress.
I'm sure you can do it! Get in there and wrestle with it.
Bess> Thank you I will!
Shirley> Gotta go, Bess. It's been nice
chatting with you.
Bess> It doesn't seem so hard now. thank
you again - you've been great.
Shirley> Goodnight.
